No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
