New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
