I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
