I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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