I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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