Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
