He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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