Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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