everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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