i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
