I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
