if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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