Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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