Pappa wants mamma naked
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
