Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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