Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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