Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
