I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
