Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
