Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
