Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
