I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
