Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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