She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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