yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
