my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
