fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I cockslap morals
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
