his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
