Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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