I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
