My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
