Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
