Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
