absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
