So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
