If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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