Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize