They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
