So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
