I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
