I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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