Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
