He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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