i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize