I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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