His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
