SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
