You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
