Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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