i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
