sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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