After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
