My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
