oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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