I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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