Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
