I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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