I'm sorry my penis didn't work
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
