Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
