Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize