Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
