I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
3pm strippers are depressing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
