I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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