how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
