i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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