We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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