EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We need to rekindle our bromance
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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