My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
