Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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