It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
