I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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