I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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