We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize