I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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