yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
