In the future we'll all be gay
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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