Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
