your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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