I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
