420 ftw
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize