physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize