How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
