Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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