Old men and throwing up are my life now.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
