so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
