I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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