did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
