Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
