i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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