I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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