Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm both gender and math confused
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
