The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
