Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
