Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
