Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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