Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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