it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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