No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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