i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
