OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
