Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
