I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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