So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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