Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
