I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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