Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
