No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
