She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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