If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
