That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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