Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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