He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
