WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
