Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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