it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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