Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
