D3 body, D1 cock
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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