I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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