did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She even gives head with a lisp.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
