you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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