No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
there is glitter all over my balls
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
