i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
