I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
